Stacy's Mom
by bahjcb
Summary: Stacy Morgan is having a problem with a neighbor boy. He seems to think he's in love with her mother, Penelope.


_I recently heard _Stacy's Mom_ by _Fountains of Wayne_ and suddenly this fic wrote itself.

* * *

"Stacy, I'm in love with your mom."_

Stacy Morgan rolled her eyes. "You're such a weirdo, Evan."

"No, I mean it. She's beautiful," the twelve-year-old (and in Stacy's opinion, deluded) Evan sighed. "Ever since your dad left…"

"My dad hasn't left us! My dad is an **FBI Agent**, you moron. He's on a case."

He's been gone for over a week."

Once again, Stacy rolled her eyes. "Dad worships Mom. He calls her his goddess. They flirt on the phone everyday. It's nauseating."

Evan shook his head, pity evident on his young face. "Stacy, you're just going to have to face the fact that we aren't meant to be. I'm in love with your mom."

"Eww," Stacy intoned with a look that clearly indicated she was just seconds away from vomiting. "I don't _like_ you. And neither does my mom! So, you're just going to have to move on." She added a shooing motion that her classmate didn't seem to understand or care about.

Instead of leaving, dejected, Evan gave his semi-friend a compassionate look—like one would give to a small child trying to understand logic theorems.

"Penelope is _totally_ into me."

In her angriest voice, and with a scary, angry look she could only achieve by being the daughter of Derek and Penelope Morgan, Stacy growled, "Do NOT call my mother by her first name! It's Mrs. Morgan to you!"

"I've seen your mother in just a towel," Evan said with a grin. "She wouldn't have let me see her that way if she didn't like me."

As Stacy rolled her eyes once again, she recalled how her Grandma Morgan would tell her eyes would stick that way if she kept rolling them. Stacy was sure, however, that Grandma would understand in this instance. Evan was a total idiot.

**

* * *

**"What are you doing?" Stacy asked angrily as she stormed out of the garage that hot summer day. 

Evan looked up from where he was trying to turn on the Morgans' lawn-mower once again.

"Hey, Stacy. I thought I'd help you ladies out since your dad's away again. I'm mowing the lawn but the lawn-mower keeps dying."

"That's because it's our old one, jerk-wad. Dad hasn't thrown it away yet."

"Well, where's the new one."

Hand on hips, Stacy replied, "Like I'd tell you. You'll just ruin it and it's brand new."

"Whatever," Evan said with practiced unconcern. "This one works just fine."

With that, Evan gave another tug on the cord and the machine came to life.

In a series of events that could not be repeat, nor could have happened if Evan tried, Evan shoved the lawn-mower forward just enough that it hit a rock. The rock then went sailing through the large picture window in the living room and slammed into the Morgan family dog.

Clooney (the third) yelped with a cry of pain before jumping up and barking his head off at Evan. Stacy, startled by the flying glass and her dog's howling, gave a loud, ear-piercing scream.

It was only seconds after that that Penelope Morgan came running outside, dripping wet, shampoo still in her hair, a large, fluffy, white towel wrapped around her torso, and Derek's extra gun in her hand.

Looking around for the threat, Penelope barked, "Stacy, what happened?"

Stacy, now calmed down, was glad to tattle.

"Evan stole our lawn-mower and hit a rock."

"I did not," Evan quickly argued. "I didn't steal the lawn-mower. I was just trying to help out!"

"You did hit the rock."

"Not on purpose."

Penelope, now realizing that her family was not in immediate danger, said, "Both of you, can it." Once the pre-teens were quiet, she asked, "Evan, what are you doing with our lawn-mower?"

"With Mr. Morgan gone on a case, I thought I'd help out and mow the lawn."

Pulling the towel tighter around her, Penelope gave him a smile. "Thanks, hon." Then, with a teasing grin any of the family could recognize, she added, pointing near the tree, "You missed a spot over there."

As Penelope shut the door and went back inside to calm Clooney (and finish her shower), Evan decided he was in love.

**

* * *

**Sighing happily as Evan thought of Stacy's mother standing on the porch in a towel, he added, "Your mother is everything I've ever wanted in a woman." 

With a shake of her head, Stacy countered, "My mom's too much of a woman to ever want a _boy_ like you!"

"We'll just see," Evan argued. "Where is your mom? We'll ask her."

After Penelope didn't just suddenly materialize on the yard, Evan added, "Is she avoiding me?"

"Yeah, idiot, that's it. Mom's avoiding you because of all of the sexual tension."

Evan didn't seem to notice that Stacy was being sarcastic.

"Really?" he asked, completely excited over this development.

Stacy just rolled her eyes.

Luckily for Evan, Stacy was about ready to deck him at this point, a familiar black SUV pulled into the Morgans' driveway next to her mom's classic car.

"Dad," Stacy screamed, running towards the car.

Derek hopped out of the car with a grin. Swinging his daughter around in a tight hug, Derek said, "I missed you, sweetheart."

"I missed you, too, Dad."

Derek only had time to give Stacy a quick kiss as the front door opened. Like every time Derek came home from a case, Penelope and Derek hurried to each other as if they were magnets that finally found their match.

Stacy grinned as her parents kissed. It may have been kind of gross to see her parents' always so affectionate with each other, but she liked knowing that they were in love.

Pulling back just enough to speak, Derek said, "I missed you, baby girl."

"I missed you, too, handsome."

They then went back to getting reacquainted with each other's lips.

Stacy, seeing Evan's downcast face, walked over and placed what felt like a sympathetic hand on his shoulder. Thinking he was getting a few condolences, Evan turned to thank his friend, only to be met with her grinning face.

"I told you, you were a moron," she gleefully gloated.

Seeing that Mr. and Mrs. Morgan were still locked at the lips and didn't look like they would be coming up for air anytime soon, Evan made a disgusted face.

"They _are_ kind of grossly in love."

Nodding, Stacy agreed. "It's amazing I don't have more siblings."


End file.
